How to Network When Imposter Syndrome Starts Kicking In

Trying to network and message someone on LinkedIn to ask for something can be nerve-racking. Roadblocks in our thoughts start kicking in with imposter syndrome, a fear of rejection or annoyance, doubts around how to best approach a LinkedIn message – all of these leading to a lack of proactivity around networking. Negative self-talk shows up and then we are left with missed opportunities.

These thoughts would come up for me when I first started incorporating reverse recruiting in my job search strategy. Luckily, I had read The 2-Hour Job Search by Steve Dalton where he talks about curmudgeons, obligates, and boosters. Curmudgeons are the people who will never respond to your messages because they simply have no interest in assisting you with your job search, for whatever reason. Obligates are the people who might feel guilty if they don’t help you, so they MIGHT respond if you keep insisting. The boosters are the people who love to help. They’ve been in your shoes and are eager to give back however they can. The important thing to remember here is that who they are has nothing to do with you. All you can do is send thoughtful messages with the intention of trying to connect, the rest is up to them.

However, knowing all of that STILL doesn’t take away our hesitation around networking. Below are some tips to help you get past the roadblocks we tend to run into when reverse recruiting for ourselves.

Recognize Your Own Potential

When self-doubt kicks in, it can stir up a lot of feelings like fear, anxiety, and stress. If you think about it though, isn’t it usually the talented people that most doubt themselves? If you’re constantly used to doubting yourself, then that probably also means you’re constantly trying to improve. This means two things: first, you are someone who puts the work in to better themselves – that’s a great quality to have in an employee and teammate. Second, there are already a ton of accomplishments you have under your belt, you just need to recognize them and take ownership for them.

When reaching out to someone to connect, whether it be through LinkedIn, email, Twitter, or whichever, one of the things we want to mention when asking for someone’s time or energy, is the value we can add to their team. In order to do that, we need to recognize that value in ourselves. Instead of comparing ourselves to where others are or where we think we should be, think back to where you started and compare that to where you are now. You’ll start to recognize the little milestones you’ve reached along the way. Take note of them. What new language have you gone from just being familiar with to now being comfortable with? What APIs or frameworks have you incorporated in your projects that you had no clue how to use before? These are milestones that you could be recording throughout your coding journey so when self-doubt kicks in, you can just take a look back through your notebook.

When struggling to think of your value add when connecting with others, go through your notebook. See if there is something in there that matches any of the requirements in the job posting you’re interested in. The next thing you can do is to send the message in a way that feels more comfortable for you. If you can find a way to get yourself comfortable enough with how you connect with people in the beginning, the more likely you are to send those messages – getting you more practice.

Trying Something Outside of Your Comfort Zone From Within Your Comfort Zone

You might be thinking that headline doesn’t make any sense, but hear me out. Personally, as an ambivert, there are situations that trigger my introverted tendencies and situations that bring out my extroverted side. Networking and connecting with people would always trigger my introverted side – that is until I figured out how to make connection attempts in a way where I felt more comfortable.

It’s hard for me to walk up to someone in a room full of people I don’t know and start talking to them. Even more so if there were some people I did know, but then had to go and introduce myself to people I didn’t. If I embarrassed myself, then there would be witnesses to remember it lol.

The cool thing about LinkedIn messages is that: one, you can do your research on the person you are reaching out to and maybe find something in common or at least an entry point into your conversation attempt with them. Two, you don’t have to worry about forgetting your value add because you already made that list and you can always refer back to it when crafting your message. Three, you can give yourself some time to write the “perfect” message, but don’t spend too much time because present is better than perfect. You’ll get better and more comfortable the more messages you send. Lastly, you can still stay within your comfort zone while doing this. If asking someone to jump on a Zoom call with you to ask them questions about a position freaks you out, then don’t ask for a video chat, ask for a phone call. If a phone call is too much for you right now, then ask if you can shoot them an email with your questions they can respond to.

Conclusion

Yes, networking, connecting, reverse recruiting – however you want to call it – is extremely helpful in your job search, but it can be exhausting. Going outside of your comfort zone takes a lot of physical and mental energy. Remember that it’s important to manage and protect your energy as a job seeker – it will help you stay consistent in your search. An action item to take away from this: start tracking your successes in your coding journey. Stuck on something for a week or two? That’s okay, journal about what you’ve tried that hasn’t worked and then journal again when you figure it out – it’ll feel great.

Want more tips on learning how to reverse recruit for yourself? Follow me on Instagram and Twitter and share what struggles you’re facing.